School’s been out for a couple of weeks and some parents are wondering: is my teen going to spend the entire summer glued to their device? Is that a problem? What can I do to help them disconnect?
Since the rise of smartphones in the early 2010s, people have worried about whether time on screens cause problems—poor mental health, sleep loss, worse grades in school, and more. Hundreds of studies and nearly two decades later, researchers are pretty sure that the amount of time people of all ages spend on their phone, or using social media, isn’t very strongly related problems in daily life. What matters is how people spend their time on screens. Scrolling through endless streams of content out of boredom or insecurity probably isn’t helping anyone’s mental health.
But research finds that the teens who struggle most online are the ones who were already struggling offline. Teens who are lonely, bullied, or feeling anxious or depressed in real life bring these experiences with them into their digital environments. Teens who use their time online to express themselves creatively and nurture friendships say that they feel enriched because of their time online. Considering teens’ online experiences without understanding their offline experiences misses half of the picture.
Most parents will agree that when teens don’t have a say in the rules that govern their behaviour, it’s difficult to get them to comply. What this means is that parents should treat rules for screen time like anything else in their teens’ lives where the goal is to get them to make good choices on their own: involve them in discussions about screens, listen to their needs, and agree to some rules that work for the whole family. Don’t forget: kids can be worried about their parents’ screen time too!
If your teen (or anyone else in your family) wants to cut back on screen time, there are ways you can work together to reach this goal. We’re all aware that simply telling yourself you’ll put your phone down in one more minute doesn’t work very well. Fortunately, researchers have identified many strategies for helping people change all sorts of behaviours, including device use. The most effective strategies are those that change the environment (whether physical or digital), make us more mindful of our behaviour, and set up accountability (to ourselves or others).
Here are some examples of what this looks like in practice:
Have a discussion with your teen about times when phones are especially disruptive, such as late at night, during homework time, or during family meals. Decide on some “offline” hours that you can both live with, and make the rule easier to follow by keeping phones in another room at those times, setting parental controls that restrict access at certain times of day (https://mediasmarts.ca/teacher-resources/using-parental-controls), or turning off phones during those times.
Mindless device use can show up in two ways – picking up the device or opening certain apps out of habit (when you don’t intend to do it), and losing track of time when using it (before you know it, you’ve spent 30 minutes doomscrolling). Ask your teen to keep track of how often they are having such experiences – awareness is the first step (although it is not sufficient).
Apps that introduce a brief (e.g., 5 second) delay between when the social media (or other) app is opened and when access is given to the platform allow your teen to ask themselves if they really want to be using their phone in that moment. Reminders or timers that activate after a certain (predetermined) amount of time on an app can help teens be more thoughtful about their use and commit to closing the app at the end of the set time.
Set goals and limits for your teen’s phone use together with your teen, and plan for regular times when you will check in to see how it’s going. If they don’t meet their goals, work with them to figure out why they had trouble, and concrete steps they can take in the future (perhaps using some of the strategies above).
You can also get the rest of the family engaged in each tracking their own phone use and making changes, so that you can all do them together (think of a friend streak!) You could also encourage your teen to talk with their friends about their changes in device use (even if it’s griping about their parents’ draconian rules). They might be surprised to find some friends interested in making changes to their own screen use—and habit-changing challenges are easier to overcome if a friend is doing it with them.
Above all, if your family decides to work on reducing screen or social media time, find other activities to replace it. People frequently reach for their phone when they are bored or are procrastinating doing something they don’t really feel like doing. Habits are automatic responses to such cues; if your teen wants to disrupt their phone-reaching habit, recognizing the cues and planning a different response can help them replace it with a different behaviour.
For example, if your teen finds that she is going on Instagram when she is feeling lonely, encourage her to text or call a friend instead. Help your teen make a list of other activities that they enjoy during downtime at home, and keep it handy so it’s easier to think of something else to do in moments of boredom.
In our increasingly digital world, it’s reassuring to know that some tried-and-true aspects of parenting are helpful for virtually every teen: showing your teen that you care, allowing them to make their own choices and plans, and really listening to their point of view. What isn’t likely to work well is intrusively monitoring everything your teen does online, forcing them to follow rigid rules, or invalidating the enjoyment they say they get from social media. These kinds of behaviours are more likely to create either resistance or passive compliance, without true buy-in, especially if they also feel frustrated by rules for screen time that differ for parents and kids.
Some parents might be wondering whether they need to worry about their kids’ social media use at all. Federal and Provincial governments in Canada have signaled that they are serious about banning kids under 16 from using popular social media platforms like TikTok and Instagram, and Bill C-34, the “Safe Social Media Act”, was just introduced in parliament. Although a ban might seem like a good solution, it’s unlikely to keep at-risk teens off these platforms.
Australia implemented a social media ban for youth under 16 in December, and their first quarterly report was unimpressive—nearly 70% of kids aged 8 to 15 still had their accounts from before the ban took effect. If compliance improves over time, two outcomes are likely. First, kids won’t just stop being social online; they will find their way onto lesser-known platforms with potentially fewer regulations. Second, compliance efforts will push some kids out of spaces where they are currently thriving within supportive online communities. Ultimately, it is up to parents to ensure that their child is set up to thrive no matter what laws are in place or not.
So have the conversation, and listen to your teen’s perspective. Find out what they’re doing online, how it’s making them feel, and if they would like to change anything about their device use. If you are concerned about anything (e.g., what they are doing on their phone), explain your concerns to them and ask for their perspective.
If you or your teen feel that changes are needed, work together to come up with a plan of action that you can agree on; one that includes alternative ways to stay connected to other people, and alternative activities that can replace phone use. Use tools that are available to increase mindful use. And check in with your teen regularly about how these changes are making them feel.
Dr. Marina Milyavskaya is a Professor of Psychology at Carleton University studying motivation, behaviour change, and goal pursuit.
Social media/web: https://carleton.ca/goallab
Dr. Andrea Howard is a Professor at Carleton University and a developmental psychologist studying mental health, well-being, and social media in teens and young adults.
Social media/web: @readylab on Instagram @drandreahoward.bsky.social on Bluesky
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