The Power of Connection: Strengthening Bonds in Neurodivergent Parenting

Relationships are at the core of our human experience. We connect, make friends, and often make life-changing decisions based on our bonds with others. But as parents, have we ever stopped to evaluate our relationship with our own children? Children don’t come with a parenting manual; they arrive in our lives, and we do our best to support them and equip them with the tools they need to navigate the world. There’s no such thing as perfect parenting, but we all strive to be the best parents we can be. In today’s world, with external pressures mounting, we may even push ourselves too hard in pursuit of being “ideal” parents.

For parents of neurodivergent children, this pressure can feel even more intense. We often become hyper-vigilant about how we parent and the strategies we should employ to provide the best support for our children. As an educational consultant and Floortime therapy practitioner, I frequently witness the stress etched on parents’ faces. Statements like, “My child isn’t meeting their milestones” or “My child’s teacher has called for a meeting” are common worries that parents express. These moments can lead to a flurry of professional consultations and a search for solutions.

But let’s pause for a moment. Many of these scenarios stem from our own expectations, either of ourselves or our children. Society conditions us to set high standards, but what if we took a deep breath and replaced those expectations with a celebration of the unique bond we share with our child?

How to support Neurodivergent children?

In her book, Social and Emotional Development, clinical psychologist Mona Delahooke emphasizes that supporting children begins with building a strong relationship. She explains that when children feel safe and comfortable around their caregivers, it creates a foundation for growth and learning. As parents, it’s vital to reflect on our emotions with our neurodivergent children and assess whether our relationship is rooted in judgment or in unconditional love and support. While we all love our children, sometimes our actions driven by expectations may not reflect that love as clearly as we’d hope. When we let go of expectations, we can truly connect with our children and appreciate their individuality.

So, how do we build that connection?

It’s simpler than you might think. Be present, listen to your child’s emotions, and create a safe space where they can be themselves without setting goals or monitoring behaviors. Focus on the child, not their behavior. Dr. Stanley Greenspan refers to this as finding the “gleam in the eye”, the moment of joy that comes from shared activities, a genuine laugh, or something as simple as blowing bubbles together.

Relationships have a profound impact on neurodivergent children. They need to trust their parents to feel free to be themselves, without the pressure to mask their behavior or conform to societal expectations like making eye contact or sitting still. Neurodivergent children deserve to be celebrated for their unique qualities, and as parents, we are their most important source of support. By providing this safe, accepting environment, we help build their self-esteem and prepare them to face the world’s challenges with confidence knowing we are there to shield them.

Zaineb Ghlayem holds a Master’s degree in Education, focusing on inclusive education and neurodiversity. She integrates her academic background with hands-on experience in DIR/Floortime to support children’s social and emotional development, fostering confidence and self-esteem. Her work at Clever Clogs Inclusive Academy emphasizes individualized learning and community-building for children with diverse needs.