Importance and Advantage of Talking About Matrescence—And What Happens If We Don’t 2025

The Side of Postpartum No One Talks About

It was a regular, dreary Tuesday afternoon. Tears continued to roll down my cheeks as I tried to wash my face clear, a feeble attempt to hide my emotions, frustration, the internal rage brewing inside of me from my toddler. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror, an empty shell of the person I once was. I was seven months postpartum… how did it come to this?

I’d never had any mental health problems before, never cried, and was always seen as the strong, resilient one. One day, my husband finally queried if I needed to see someone for postpartum depression. Honestly, I felt like I just needed a moment to breathe… a moment to myself. To sleep. To do something just for me. But looking back? I probably should have.

Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me About This? 

We spend our entire pregnancy researching what and what not to do to keep our baby healthy, planning the perfect nursery aesthetic, and prepping for what we hope will be a calm and empowering birth. And sure, we’ll grab a few pads and nipple cream to help us recover in the first few weeks. But what about what comes next? The reality for most new moms is that motherhood hits… differently. It’s a shock to the system.

The expectations society and ourselves have subconsiously put on us, that are deeply ingrained, all of a sudden feels completely out of reach… like we’re failing to achieve everything we had hoped this experience would be. “Enjoy every minute… it goes so fast.” But I’m miserable… I can’t wait for this phase to pass, I think. One day, you’re yourself, deciding when, where, and how you go about your day.

The next, you’re holding a tiny human who depends on you for everything, while you barely recognize your own reflection in the mirror. The self-neglect rolls in. You’re grateful, overwhelmed, exhausted, in love, lonely, and totally transformed—all at once. But no one warned you about this part. The part where you don’t even know who you are anymore. 

Why? Because we don’t talk about matrescence enough

Matrescence—the term originally coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael—describes the physical, emotional, hormonal, social, and psychological transition into motherhood. It’s as significant as adolescence, yet most moms don’t even hear the word until they’re deep in the trenches of sleep deprivation and self-doubt (*raises hand*). It takes teenagers years to move through this transition, yet we give moms 6 weeks to “bounce back”? Hmm…something doesn’t seem right here. We’re set up to fail from the get-go. 

This isn’t just about adapting to a new schedule or getting more sleep—it’s a complete shift in identity. And when it goes unspoken, moms are left feeling like they’re the only ones struggling (spoiler alert: they’re not). That’s when the guilt, the inadequacy, the rage, and the resentment sneaks in.

This, combined with one of the biggest challenges moms face, postpartum depletion – describing the deep exhaustion (nutritional, hormonal, and emotional) that lingers long after childbirth – is a concoction screaming for burnout and more support. Between sleep deprivation, nutrient depletion, and the constant emotional labour of caregiving, many moms find themselves running on empty. And yet, our culture often dismisses this as “just part of being a mom.” 

But it shouldn’t be. It really isn’t surprising that 20-25% of new moms in Canada experience some sort of perinatal mental health disorder, but less than 10% get the help they need. Not forgetting the many more that just don’t self-report (again, *raises hand*). Moms are reaching their breaking point (48%, according to a 2022 Canadian Women’s Foundation Survey). So what can we do about it? 

The Reality of Motherhood: Beyond the Highlight Reel 

With the rise of social media, and our self-doubt creeping in, we start to compare ourselves to others… why does it seem like everyone else has it so ‘together’? Yes, motherhood is the most amazing experience you will have in your life, but let’s be honest – it’s also hard, isolating, and non-stop mental gymnastics. And here’s the thing… the reality is no-one really knows what they’re doing.

We have to be patient with our journey. Show compassion to ourselves. Start celebrating our small successes. We celebrate baby milestones, but what about mother milestones? We track a baby’s growth, but what about the personal transformation of the mother? We don’t know it all, but we are learning, and we have come so far. Now say that again. Talking about it and educating ourselves on matrescence is the first step; self-compassion is the second. 

Prioritizing Wellness: A Non-Negotiable for Moms 

We’re sold the idea that ‘self-care’ is a bubble bath and a scented candle. But for moms, in the early days at least, true wellness is about survival and doing the basics – getting enough nutrients, movement, sleep (if possible), and emotional support. It’s ensuring your needs are met, SO you can meet the needs of your baby. Then, it’s about reclaiming a sense of self beyond motherhood. We need to re-frame it: it might feel like you’re losing yourself… but really, you’re just on the journey to finding your true self. There’s no “bounce back”… it’s all about acknowledging your changing values and growth, and moving forward to a stronger, better you.

And if you don’t know where to start? Eve Rodsky calls it unicorn space – time for creative, fulfilling pursuits that make you feel like you again. Maybe it’s writing, running, painting, or climbing a mountain. Whatever it is, it’s crucial. And it’s not selfish—it’s necessary. To protect your sense of self, and consequently, your mental health. 

So here’s your invitation. Start small. Identify one small thing you can do today that’s just for you. It doesn’t have to be big – just intentional. And ideally, alone. Then start to pencil it into your calendar, like you would an appointment (that can’t be missed). You’ll soon see the impact, and return feeling rejuvenated and ready to parent with more intention. 

The Missing Piece: Why Moms Need Community

Motherhood was never meant to be done alone. Historically, mothers had villages – built-in support systems that helped them navigate this life-changing transition. But modern motherhood is often isolating, with little to no family support, partners that work too much, high expectations, and social media pressures making moms feel like they should be able to “do it all” without help. 

This is where community becomes essential, and where we’re missing the mark when it comes to postpartum care. 

Finding your flock – whether through local mom groups, online spaces, or in-person connections – can be a lifeline. And then start talking about it. Sharing with other moms who just get it normalizes the struggles, lightens the mental load, and reminds you that you’re not failing – you’re evolving. That’s exactly why The MotherFlock exists – to help moms find their people, their voice, and their strength in this wild journey. 

Starting the Conversation: What Moms Can Do Now

1. Talk about matrescence—with friends, your partner, your doctor. The more we normalize it, the less alone we, and other moms, will feel. It can be therapeutic to share your “Matrescence Tale”, and read others’ experiences (check out our website for this!). Learn about postpartum supports in your area, and reach out as soon as you see signs that you are not feeling your best. Our goal is to thrive, not just survive. 

2. Build your village—whether it’s joining a local mom group, an online community, meeting someone on the app Peanut, or just texting a fellow mom you exchanged numbers with at the local coffee shop just to check in. The MotherFlock is here for ideas and advice on how to do that (and if you’re in Vancouver, we’ll even help connect you with your mom tribe from the get-go!) 

3. Prioritize your wellness—even in small ways. Nourish yourself first, rest when possible, and when you come out of that postpartum haze, start to carve out moments to reconnect with who you are beyond motherhood. Practice in small ways… allocate yourself the best strawberries first, before you portion up the kids’. You deserve it. 

Yes, motherhood changes you, but it doesn’t erase you. Matrescence is your superpower… and the more we talk about that, the stronger we become—together.

Gemma is the founder of The MotherFlock, a Vancouver-based community & resource hub, helping moms navigate the isolating, identity-shifting rollercoaster of postpartum, matrescence, and motherhood. With a background in teaching and mental health, plus her own humbling postpartum experience, she knows firsthand how wild this ride can be. She created The MotherFlock to bring moms together, ditch the guilt, normalize the challenges, and help moms feel more informed, empowered, and connected. Gemma’s mission is simple: Let’s get our pink back! 

Check out The MotherFlock website for Matrescence Tales, and advice & resources on postpartum, matrescence, and motherhood. For further updates & to join the Flock, you can follow The MotherFlock on Instagram.